Miracle #22 -What I See Is A Form Of Vengeance
In a strange display of synchronicity, my 22nd documented miracle on this site also corresponds with ACIM Workbook Lesson 22, which I was practicing at the time!
As a bit of back-story, I am married to a man who is - in my opinion - a saint. He is infinitely patient, a doting father and a romantic partner. He is very successful at work and supports our family of 5 people and 2 dogs so that I am free to write this blog, go to tai chi classes and ACIM study group meetings, and basically do whatever I please. He has never criticized me or not been there for me when I needed him.
That being said, he has one glaring flaw: he is impulsive with money.
When we were first met I adored his devil-may-care attitude. He was fun and exciting.
After marriage, however, a pattern developed in our relationship where he would make expensive purchases without consulting me and I would fly off the handle.
Our finances have always been co-mingled, so every time he bought something I didn't want or know about, I felt as though there was less money for what I wanted. I was convinced for years that he was keeping us in debt.
It wasn't the shopping itself that angered me so much as the fact that I was not in the loop.
I always felt blindsided when I found out after that fact that we owed another $10,000 on our credit card for something I didn't want or even know that we were going to buy.
I would cry, plead, yell, and beg him to discuss things with me beforehand. He would promise to do that, but then it would happen again!
Last weekend my husband and I traveled to Virginia Beach to visit with my parents.
On Sunday morning, when we got ready to return home, we were both tired and snippy with one another.
We got into an argument as we were driving, and I decided not to engage with him. I opted instead, to review my ACIM Workbook Lesson silently during the drive home.
For five hours, I looked at everything we passed on the road and repeated to myself:
This tree is not real. What I see is a form a vengeance.
This sky is not real. What I see is a form a vengeance.
This house is not real. What I see is a form of vengeance.
When I got tired of doing that, I closed my eyes and did the same thing with my thoughts.
This thought about my husband is a form a vengeance.
This thought about being tired is a form of vengeance.
This thought about lack of money is a form of vengeance.
I wasn't intentionally giving my husband the cold shoulder. I just felt that nothing could be gained by bickering further, and I wanted to shift my mindset.
Finally, after a tense 6 hours of driving in the rain we arrived home.
Apparently my silence was so uncharacteristic that it had deeply disturbed my husband. He told me that he never again wanted to have another road trip like that one.
I burst into tears and spilled out years of pent-up hurt and frustration over our financial situation.
He responded with a stunning confession.
My husband had realized during the drive that he had a deep grievance against me. The grievance had been so buried in his subconscious for the past 24 years that he had not even been aware of it.
He had been angered by something that I did during our engagement, and had decided to "get back at me" by buying himself whatever he pleased, whenever he pleased afterward.
I don't know which of us were more surprised by this revelation.
I do know that both of us felt the energy shift between us with the recognition and release of this wound.
It had been buried for so long and wreaked so much havoc in our lives, that just the awareness of it opened a space for healing.
I don't understand how this happened.
I have no idea how my reflection on Workbook Lesson 22 coincided with my husband's revelation, but I saw it happen and I know there is a connection.
I DO know that all minds are joined.
ACIM says that when one mind is healed it affects thousands of other minds, because we are all one. All any of us really needs to do is to focus on our own healing, and let God take care of everything else!
Thank you, Holy Spirit
Leave, then, the transfer of your learning to the One Who really understands its laws, and Who will guarantee that they remain unviolated and unlimited. Your part is merely to apply what He has taught you to yourself, and He will do the rest. - Text Chapter 27, Section V