Miracle #28 - The Release From Fear
My daily workbook lessons have lately mirrored my parenting challenges.
I thought with all three kids gone to college this year that I would be able to relax and take it easy. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Apparently my ego had a different idea, and I have faced major challenges this month to forgive my attachments to my children.
On the day of Lesson 240 - Fear is not justified in any form - I learned that one of my kids had tried to commit suicide.
The vice president of the university actually called me to make sure that I knew and was in contact with the hospital. It ended well with a discharge a few hours later, a referral for counseling, and a prescription for anti-depressants.
In the intervening hours, however, I had the opportunity to watch my mind.
The ego tried to convince me that I wouldn't be a good mother unless I sat by the phone with knots in my stomach, but I knew better. That path is not "truly helpful".
It is simply a way of punishing myself.
Every time I caught my mind going in that direction, I asked the Holy Spirit for guidance to stay centered on the Truth.
I trusted that everything was perfect and happening just the way it was supposed to, according to a higher plan that is not my concern.
On the day of Lesson 243 - Today I will judge nothing that occurs - one of my kids called me numerous times enraged over an unfair situation at school.
I was asked to join in judging the school wrong and making my child right, but I refused.
I tried to show compassion while suggesting that blaming the school and pointing fingers would only magnify the problem.
On the day of Lesson 248 - Whatever suffers is not part of me - one of my kids disappeared off the radar for 48 hours.
I couldn't make contact and my mind started to imagine the worst: a drinking binge, a car accident, an abduction....
It turned out to be a simple case of fatigue and crashing on a friend's couch.
It was a clear example to me of how what we give our attention to grows, and that we always have the choice to worry or maintain our peace.
Day by day I have come to see that my only responsibility as a mom is to love my children and to be there for them when they need someone to call.
It is not to "help" them or "fix" them in any way.
They are already perfect as God created them.
My husband taught me a funny poem that goes like this:
When in trouble, when in doubt,
Run in circles, scream and shout!
The ego genuinely believes that this behavior will somehow alleviate the crisis.
I spent decades doing this - enough to know that not only is it ineffective, it is completely counter-productive.
What works is to accept the atonement for myself - to remember that in every situation, I am totally supported and loved.
Even if I don't understand what is happening in the world of illusion, I know that when I put my efforts into maintaining my peace of mind, everything works out in the end.
To succumb to fear is to be a prisoner of the ego's crazy thought-system.
I laughed at the ego right in its face this month, and instead chose love. As the Bible says: perfect love casts out all fear.
Thank You, Holy Spirit
The order of error to which the Atonement is applied is irrelevant. Essentially, ALL healing is the release from fear. But to undertake this you cannot be fearful yourself. - Text, Chapter 2, Section IV