Miracle #41 - I Choose The Joy Of God Instead Of Pain
This week I had a huge insight while I was reading my ACIM workbook lesson 136 - Sickness is a defense against the truth.
It came when I got to the the paragraph near the end that said:
If you let your mind harbor attack thoughts, yield to judgment or make plans against uncertainties to come, you have again misplaced yourself, and made a bodily identity which will attack the body, for the mind is sick.
I rarely get sick, but I remembered a few years ago when I was struck by back pain so severe that I could not function.
I was fine when I laid down but it was excruciating to stand up or walk around.
I never wanted to be able to vacuum so badly.
It happened while I was working with a prayer partner every day. She was an angry woman. She was very unhappy with her life and she wanted to use our daily phone calls to vent her frustrations.
Often, she was frustrated with me.
I knew better than to take her rantings personally, and I tried my best to be patient and understanding.
But my mind was filled with attack thoughts.
I thought she was bat-shit crazy.
Although I knew intellectually that she was a holy child of God - an innocent soul confused about her real identity - I was annoyed with her unwillingness to let go of her grievances and her desire to blame me for her unhappiness.
I tried to express love and kindness, but beneath that veneer I was judging her.
After a few months of this my back went out.
I visited a chiropractor.
I tried acupuncture.
I did a guided meditation for back pain
I repeated mantras from Louise Hay
The pain got worse.
Finally. I called an ACIM teacher for a private consultation. She let me talk for 20 minutes about how my spiritual practice had brought me joy, peace of mind, and happiness and yet…..here I was in physical pain.
She told me that the pain was just a distraction.
JUST A DISTRACTION.
I had forgotten to stay focused on God.
I found a YouTube video that helped me to refocus, and I listened to it repeatedly all day long.
I came to understand that my resistance to the pain was what was keeping it in place. I needed to accept it. Allow it.
And then the pain left.
But it wasn’t until this week that I finally understood that the root cause of it all had been my attitude towards my prayer partner.
I had let my mind “harbor attack thoughts”.
I had let my mind “yield to judgment”.
I had not been honest with myself.
I had tried to put a band-aid over my aggravation by hiding my thoughts from myself.
But my back knew better.
There is no more important work than vigilance about our thoughts. And no greater virtue than honesty with ourselves. For, this healing work extends not only to our own bodies but to all of the Sonship.
Thank You, Holy Spirit
When I am healed, I am not healed alone - Workbook lesson 137